Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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