it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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