Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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