Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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