i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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