Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
