look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
