when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
