at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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