I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
