is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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