we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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