Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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