In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
