I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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