He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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