He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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