Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
