never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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