considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
