somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize