Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
