I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
