Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
