I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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