But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
