I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
