your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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