yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
