so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Is it because I queefed?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
