I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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