im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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