last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
