I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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