I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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