So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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