He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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