i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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