So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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