finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Drunk is not a location!
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