he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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