oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
