oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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