his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
