My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
