And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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