We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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