My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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