Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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