Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
