So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
