i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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