oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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