Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
