The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize