The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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