Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
