she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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