I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I love you.
Bad choice
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
