just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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