There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
