god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
