the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
