I saw his package. It spoke to me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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