Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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