hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
