we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
